Applicant Name: Daenerys “Dany” “The Stormborn” Targaryen
Education and Honors: Univ. of Arizona, Honors English, Young Thespians
Current Occupation and Title: Dragon Lady, Khaleesi (4 years)
Previous Experience: Former Khaleesi of Khalasar and wife of Khal Drogo
Special Skills, Interests and other Qualifiers: Dothrak (fluent), Spanish (Intermediate), Wordpress, HTML, WPM 85, Dragons (3)
It is with great enthusiasm that I am applying for the position of Queen of the Iron Throne and the Seven Kingdoms. Although I have been cast into exile for the last several years, I look forward to returning to Westeros in order to reunite all the kingdoms under this position.
I cut my teeth in Khaleesi studies under my mentor and former husband, Khal Drogo, who taught me the importance of bearing only males, eating raw meat without throwing it up, and not trusting witches. Despite setbacks, I am highly adaptable and was able to get used to the rough-and-tumble lifestyle of the Dothrak. Due to my professional achievements I have acquired a loyal and growing population of followers, whom I collaborate and strategize with daily. I am a team leader, results-oriented, and have dragons.
Applicant Name: Cersei Baratheon
Education: USC, B.A. in Psychology, Delta Delta Gamma
Current Occupation and Title: Strategist at Lannister & Lannister
Previous Experience: Queen of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros (since age 15), mommy of Joffrey
Special Skills, Interests and other Qualifiers: Background in political consulting and lobbying regulations, trickery, , Microsoft and Windows
With over 20 years of experience in political strategizing and queenery, I am confident that I would make an excellent Queen of the Iron Throne. The throne is, in a word, mine.
The responsibilities of this position are consistent with my personal and professional accomplishments. After many years under Robert Baratheon, I have learned the importance of diplomacy and assertiveness. I have also worked many years under my brother Jamie Lannister, with whom I’ve helped build an empire based on loyalty and family values. My King and son Joffrey often imposes tough deadlines, but I am always capable of adhering to them, while leaving time to offer new strategies that would benefit his reign. I work extremely hard and care deeply about my work and those I work with. To sum up, I feel as though the position is only mine to lose.
Applicant Name: Peytr Baelish
Education: Carleton College, BA in Government Studies, Intramural Fooseball
Current Occupation: Master of Coin/Entrepreneur
Previous Experience: Customs Official under Lord Arryn, Founder & CEO Capitol Playhouse Establishments
Special Skills: Knifery, Spontaneity, Misdirection, SALSA, eTapestry, and similar fundraising software
In my years of public service, I have acquired the skill set necessary to be a more-than-sufficient ruler of the Iron Throne and the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros. From my initial internships at Riverrun Casinos & Hotels to my current position of Treasurer of the Seven Kingdoms, I have proven myself to be hardworking, a natural-born leader, and a creative thinker. I would not satisfy in this position. I would excel.
My work ethic is driven by my personal motto of “Hold a Grudge, Have a Kingdom.” Ever since I was a young boy I have been driven by my maddening obsession of having things that are out of my league (see writing sample on Catelyn Stark), which has forced me to constantly think outside the box and to seek better opportunities to prove myself. I am constantly thinking ahead - in five years, I see myself expanding this role in order to partake in various business ventures outside of Kings Landing.
Applicant Name: Ned “No-Head” Stark
Education and Honors: UMass-Amherst, B.A. in Climate Studies; Five College Consortium Studies completion in Feminist Studies at Mount Holyoke University; Captain, Amherst Division II Soccer; VP of Finance, Sigma Phi Epsilon
Current Occupation: Unemployed/Disability Leave
Previous Experience: Lord of Winterfell, Hand to the King of the Seven Kingdoms, Head of Stark House, Peace Corps: Essos, King (5 minutes)
Special Skills: Black Belt, Fencing, Strong writing skills
I am very interested in the position advertised on Craigslist for King of the Iron Throne and the Seven Kingdoms. I am currently residing at the walls of King’s Landing, where I serve as a warning to others who challenge the authority of King Joffrey. I accepted this position because he literally cut my head off. I also have extensive experience in legal and policy research.
Due to my academic achievements, I firmly believe that Winter is coming, meaning many of my subjects will soon be missing heads or other body parts - making my selection as King a forward-thinking one. In summary, I believe that even without a head I would be a great king and natural leader, and honestly I never should have died in the first place. Thank you for your time.